The way to look good and get ahead is to utilize your staff well. This is done by tearing them down personally and professionally. Cause them to shake, sweat and even have sleepless nights. This will make them work hard and your superior will like and praise you, right?
DEAD WRONG! ! !
Then why is it that so many bosses are just as described above? It is a mystery to competent, sincere employees in every single field.
One of the most common reasons people seek out therapy is the unbelievably all-encompassing feelings brought out in the workplace. Most often this is related to how they are treated by their bosses. Yes, sometimes it is co-worker relationship problems that bring them to treatment but that is normally related to the boss’ poor hiring and poor handling of employee/employee problems.
There are non-stop training sessions for supervisors but most people in positions of power and authority seem to gain nothing from them. One wonders whether these positions are sought only by abusers or whether the positions change nice people into abusers!
What can you do if you are a boss who is being accused of being unkind? What can you do if you are working for someone who abuses you?
Bosses, really listen to what your employees are complaining about having to do with how you treat them and confer with competent people to sort out what is reasonable and what is unreasonable in these complaints. True enough, some employees’ expectations are unreasonable. However, consider what is said and notice patterns in the complaints over time from different employees. Don’t write them off as the employee’s problem. Notice what you do out of fear –yes perhaps fear of looking bad to your boss or losing your job or such is creating so much nervousness in you that you are irrational and maybe ready to set aside respectful interaction and to snap at everything. Or, are you on a power trip??? Are you feeling superior with your responsible position and this creates an uncaring attitude? Is it really worth it to demean and discourage those who work for you? Does this make you feel good about yourself?
If you work for someone who emotionally abuses you there are choices to make. If this is you it is very likely that you have already complained to almost everyone you know about how you are being mistreated and misunderstood. This served to “get it off your chest” for a while but it has not solved the problem. The problem is still there! Expressing your feelings to your co-workers is valuable to check out other’s perceptions and experiences and ideas for a solution but there comes a time for taking action.
If you have already decided you do not want to leave your place of employment due to benefits or other reasons your choices may not seem easy. However, it certainly is not easy to feel bad in this way every day. And, it can actually make you sick. Perhaps another department working for someone else is the answer. Some people report their boss to the Human Services Department or to their boss’ superior. This may be what you want to do.
But, most people avoid going to the source — approaching their boss. They avoid it for a variety of reasons such as 1) They believe it would be useless. 2) They are afraid they will break down and cry or begin shouting. 3) They are afraid they will lose their job. 4) They are afraid their boss has skills for “putting them down” that they can’t match with their comments.
Fear of taking a risk is what keeps most people from solving this type of problem. Learning an assertive approach can make all the difference in the world. Why not ask for suggestions from family and/or friends on how to assertively request respect from you boss? There are classes and books that teach assertive approaches for such situations. If this is insufficient therapists can sometimes be of help. Often just a few sessions can serve to increase your comfort level with approaching your boss and teach you skills you can use in the future with other people as well. And, your health insurance may even pay for it. If you are anxious, depressed, sleepless etc. due to your situation those are reasons for health insurance to cover the expenses. Your mental and physical health may be at stake.
There are answers much of the time. Stop the bad feelings by seeking answers!