WHEN A RELATIONSHIP ENDS

It REALLY hurts!  But what can a person do to handle it emotionally?

If the couple has been living together, whether married or not, it’s a very sticky situation all readers of this can agree, because there are so many, many details to deal with (practical ones added on top of the emotional upheaval)..

But, even if it hasn’t been a “live together” arrangement it’s still like a death.  It’s the death of life as the couple has known it (no matter how short-lived it may have been).  So what can a person do to get through it?

For starters it’s important to realize that most of the time it doesn’t matter who made the decision.  Both people have huge adjustments and a lot of coping to do.

A vital thing to remember is not to escape into alcohol or frivolous sexual escapades thinking that it will help.  It will only make everything worse.

Here are a few things that may be helpful:

  1. Keep reminding yourself that the couple situation didn’t work out but that doesn’t make you a bad person.  Maybe there are things you feel you did that contributed to it not working out but don’t blame yourself — it was the combination that led to the break-up.
  2. Talk to people who are really listening and care.  If your family and friends aren’t enough seek out counseling.  It can help to get you through this bad time.
  3. Spend time with positive people — not critical ones.
  4. Be assertive.  Often people don’t know what to say so say things that aren’t helpful (or may even be hurtful even though they don’t know it).  If someone starts saying things like, “I never did like him.” or  “It was for the best.” or “ “You’ll find someone else better.”  Just tell others what you need such as, “Please don’t give me advice; all I need is:
    1. For you to listen for 5 minutes or
    2. For you to hug me or
    3. For you to drive me to ___
    4. Or whatever it is you feel you need.
  5. Do whatever works for you personally.  Everyone is different.  Try a few different things.
    1. Write in a journal
    2. Take a relaxing, hot bath or bubble bath
    3. Listen to your favorite music (however, not what reminds you of times with your ex — unless you feel that’s what you want to do)
    4. Watch a funny movie (especially if you do it with a friend or close family member you enjoy being with)

     6. When enough time has passed (and “enough” is different for everyone) start taking on a new activity. Start living again, gradually. You can do it even though it’s difficult. And, tell yourself that you deserve it!!!

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